It’s done. I’ve published the book.
Cue; nervous excitement and an urgent need to know all the available toilets in any public space. It’s up on Amazon right now. Right now. You could buy it if you wanted.
Or, you could wait until tomorrow when it will be FREE for 24 hours!
It’s been a funny old journey, of eight something years or so. In fact, the journey to publishing a book and becoming an author stretches way back into my childhood when I’d write stories and then demand my Mum’s friends read them. I was a precocious child.
I wrote my first book when I was seven. I typed it out carefully one finger by one finger. It featured a murder in the Swiss Alps and a sort-of Eurotrash kind of dysfunctional family. My father read it with mounting alarm and he came to me one night and asked about it.
‘You do realise you can’t fit more than two people in that type Porsche?’ he asked. I rolled my eyes. ‘It’s a story Dad!’ He let me get away with that but pressed a little harder on the other issue.
‘Do you know what rape is?’ he asked me.
‘Yeah!’ I replied confidently. Everyone, knew that rape was just a dramatic word for murder!
There’s no rape, or murder in From Pavlova to Pork Pies but there is a whole lot of other excitement.
Like a whirlwind romance, an epic long distance relationship, erupting volcanoes, swimming with sharks, bombs ‘made safe’, a wedding, a mountain climb and a court case. There’s also stroppy kids, atomic weapons, Pork pies and a lifesaving Pavlova.
As I said. You should read it.
I’m pretty sure it will make you laugh and maybe it will give you hope as you cheer on Meg and John and their underdog fight to stay together.
It’s done pretty OK on Amazon.com.au debuting at #67 or so in Humour, and it’s received some cool reviews like these two:
Top Customer Reviews
By Amazon Customer on 4 October 2016
Format: Kindle Edition Verified PurchaseOne of those books that you just want to keep reading. Perfect for an indulgent afternoon to yourself, fantastic with a glass of wine in hand slippers on your feet. From beginning to end you will smile and identify with Meg as she deals with life- balancing children in one hand, new husband in the other and tries to make some room for balancing herself- somewhere somehow. Fabulous new author. Definitely worth a read.
By Cara Tipping Smith on 5 October 2016
Format: Kindle EditionLoved this. Just loved it. A story to get behind, fabulous pace, and all those wonderful far flung places brought to life. Read and reread. Enjoy!
Don’t forget it is FREE for 24 hours from 8th October – 9th October. That’s US time so that’s –
New Zealand – 5pm Saturday 8th October
Australia – 3pm Saturday 8th October
UK – 5am Saturday 8th October
What’s it about?
Essentially it tells many of the stories in this blog going back to when I first met my husband (before-blog) and arrived in the UK. Though it’s based on that true story and our terrifying fight with the UK Border Agency I have fictionalised certain aspects of the story. The main characters are Meg – a Kiwi and John a Brit – who meet in Paris and go through all sorts of trials to try and stay together.
Spoiler: There are lots of funny bits. Like this one:
You are coming back…aren’t you?’
Meg looked at him anxiously as he rushed to get out the
door of the little hotel room.
‘Of course I am,’ he said with reassuring gusto.
And then he disappeared for an agonising forty minutes
whilst she lay on the little single bed and waited. She hadn’t
told him that a guy had once left her before in similar
circumstances and was simply never heard from again. She
didn’t tell him that because, well, … he might think she
was that kind of girl. The sort that men have dark second
thoughts about, turn around and flee away from as fast as
Waiting for your lover to return is not something you do
But ever the Girl Guide she had wanted to ‘be prepared’,
and on discovering he did not carry any supplies she
had insisted he head off into the dark rim-around-the-bath dirty
Montmartre to get some. She’d already broken the rules.
She’d brought home a stranger for the night, and allowed him
to take refuge in her room, and her heart.
But he’d told her solemnly that he was a Christian kind of
guy, and didn’t really do the one-night stand, to which she’d
nodded. She wasn’t a one-night-stand kind of girl either so
they were in agreement that he might kip on the floor. But
when they reached her room, a funny thing happened – all
her clothes fell off. His hand – so sleight – had something to
do with it. Then there was the kissing… that was a dead giveaway!
You don’t tend to kiss your mates, well, not like that!
Waiting, waiting, waiting….
Should I position my pose on the bed? Nah, too film star
sex kitten. Should I nonchalantly look out my window, over
the wrought iron balcony to the Sacré-Coeur on the hill so that
as he walked in I could casually throw him an ‘oh hi’ as if, you
know, we were meeting for sandwiches.
At two in the morning. In my bra.
Could I get away with appearing to be reading? You know
as if we were an old married couple sitting up in bed?
Be cool Megan!
Men just don’t realise the agonies we go through trying to
be attractive for them.
She jumped off the bed and sprayed on a little more
Versace and put on some lipstick. Then rubbed it off. So it
looked like it had worn with the day. Casual like. Now she
had lipstick on and no mascara. That’s uneven. You either do
a full face with the full works or a little mascara, eyeliner, and
lipstick. He wouldn’t notice mascara would he?
She didn’t want him to think she’d made an effort. She
wanted the overall impression to be casual elegance. (To
make up for the previous slovenliness.)
Why don’t I just find a ribbon for around my neck, tidy
up my trotters, stick an apple in my mouth and lay down on a
serving platter for his delectation!
As she primped and preened he raced through the dishevelled
streets of Montmartre desperately looking for a
chemist. He’d forgotten the French word (le preservatif, just
so you know) and had to demonstrate by gesticulating to the
pharmacist what he required, in the crazy hours of the morning,
and then he had to find his way back to the hotel where
Megan was waiting.
Back in the hotel room, nervous and exasperated with herself
for being so, Meg jumped under the covers and pulled up
the mustard blanket to her chin. She didn’t get the chance to
feign sleep or boredom. She didn’t get the time to feign anything.
Unrehearsed, unprepared, the door opened and
flushed with early morning cold, he peeled back the covers,
took her in his arms and unbelievably, quite unexpectedly,
they fell into love.
I hope you enjoy it. Do leave a review on Amazon or on Goodreads, or both as that will really help me to launch the book, proper.
If you’d like a review copy please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org