Almost two years exactly to the day, we’re back at the doctor’s again with Miss Fliss tormented by red raw abscesses.
As much as I struggle to understand why and make changes to her environment, her diet and routines I can’t seem to get ahead of them. Each time I take her to the doctor it physically hurts to see her in pain. It’s an ordeal.
One I don’t seem to be able to prevent.
Which is a lesson in itself I guess. No matter how uber-Mumma I want to get on things, some things I just can’t control. Sometimes I just have to let go, and help her (and my other kids) learn how to help themselves.
It isn’t an easy lesson.
I’m not a studious pupil.
But she is and I wonder idly whether that’s part of her problem – stress and anxiety. In many ways she is so much like me. I too used to get physically ill when I was stressed. For me it was stomach aches and headaches that would last for days. In fact I probably still do, to be honest.
We were sitting at the doctor’s waiting to be seen, chatting with the nurse about babysitting and school, when finally our favourite old doc breezed in, surprising us as she did.
“I didn’t expect to see you this morning, I thought you’d moved down country.”
“I do a bit of locum work here from time to time. But next week I’m heading down to work in Central Otago in palliative care. Can’t wait!”
“Oh wow that’s brilliant. I really respect people who work in that environment. You’ll be great.”
“It’s a calling I think. You see it’s a bit like this…”
And with that she grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and drew four large circles, labelling each in turn; What I love, what the community needs, what I’m good at, I get paid.
Of course I’ve seen this before, many times in fact, but to all of a sudden see this clear example of everything I believe to be true, unexpectedly laid out for me in the doctor’s office was spooky.
Some people of faith would say it was the hand of God, others might say it was coincidence or even hokey pop psychology, but even the religious and irreligious alike would have to agree it was a moment of synchronicity.
Now, my challenge is to not just believe it, but to actually know it to be true. No mean feat when faced with pesky challenges like bills, and insecurity about ability. You see the intersect for me is writing. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, since I was a child. When confronted with my family’s doubt I point to those who I’ve known who have managed to follow their dreams and build for themselves a writing career – Rachael Lucas, Torre De Roche, Stephen Herrick-Blake, Bronwyn Marquardt and so many other friends and acquaintances (Penny Vincenzi, Nicky Pellegrino).
Maybe, just maybe it’s my turn now to pull up a chair at the writer’s table?