I thought I was done

Everything comes to an end they say.

Blogging-finished

The Dead End. And yet it’s Easter, is Resurrection in order? Pic:https://www.flickr.com/photos/benny_lin/

Even us. Even this. This beautiful thing we’ve had going for the last four years. We’ve run the full cycle. We’re complete. And yet. But. And but again…. I thought I was done, but I’m not. Let’s face it. Comments are down. Sure I have my incredible stalwarts – thanks Di, Cathy, Monique – but in general this blog just isn’t getting anywhere near the views or comments of its heyday. The heyday which was, when? Not so long ago really. 2011, 2012, 2013 – they were all good years for Vegemitevix. I was that gobby Kiwi expat chick. I chatted about Flying Brazilians and The Attractive Older Woman. I was top of my game… And after that..? What happens then? For that matter what happens when the expat life is over? Do we all go back to normality and forget it ever happened? Do we forget how London smells at Christmas? (like Brussels Sprouts, if you must know) Do we forget how to make ourselves a place in a culture that’s different? Where we don’t know the jokes and the funny TV Series and the back-story about that ‘personality’ who had that thing with that other personality back then, in Essex? What happens when the special expat-ness wears off? Our stories get old. Our Damascus-light experiences and revelations pale in the boring old fluorescent lighting of your old stomping ground. We find it hard to accept but we are no longer ‘special’. No one marvels at our accent. Or asks where we’re from. And we’re we’ve been. No one cares if we’ve seen beggars on the streets or been strip-searched in Ben Gurion (I have.) We become this weird other class. We’re supposed to belong here, it’s our home city after all and yet, something sets us apart. Experience? Wisdom? I honestly don’t know. I expected to come back with global experience and my pockets filled with expat gold. Dufus. The expat gold won’t buy a candy bar from the dairy. It’s simply experience not hard currency. So, I thought I was done. This blog hasn’t been updated, commented, loved for ages. It has been the digital version of a young mum of toddlers. It’s been neglected, taken for granted, and somewhat ignored. I thought maybe I was done. And then once more I came across the wise woman’s vision that changed my mind. http://www.woogsworld.com/2012/03/its-academic.html That Mrs Woog, she’s a genius, I tell you. And she’s right. I do like writing. Stopping blogging would be like blood letting, and for a sufferer of a haemophiliac disorder that’s not a safe practise. I love writing, and as much as I love your comments and thoughts and ‘audience’, I’m really narcissistic. I do it for myself. My journal scribblings don’t do it for me. I have to tell stories. I’m like the Storyteller with the EverReady battery that keeps going and going and going.. Even if I don’t have comments. Even if my stories are not that ‘expat’ special any longer. Even if I’ve lost my groove or I’ve lost my audience (please come back, I have chocolate and wine..)… I need to write. As a human needs to breathe, a writer needs to write. It’s an Easter Resurrection, I tell you. So, I thought I was done, but it appears you’re stuck with me. Let’s hope I come up with something to say to keep you interested. Have you ever felt like giving something special to you, up? And what changed your mind?


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'I thought I was done' has 26 comments

  1. April 21, 2014 @ 9:48 pm Potty Mummy

    What you said…. x (Glad you’re not stopping!)

    Reply

    • April 22, 2014 @ 8:48 am vegemitevix

      Thanks hun. Us old guard, as Muddling said up there ^ We’re still here, we’re still standing. Would love to hear some of your NZ trip tales. Or have you blogged them and I’ve missed them? If so, please link em up here.. x

      Reply

  2. April 21, 2014 @ 9:56 pm Claudia

    Chocolate and wine – count me in 😉

    Reply

    • April 22, 2014 @ 8:47 am vegemitevix

      Hmm. You do realise I’m writing about them not sending them out, eh?

      Reply

  3. April 21, 2014 @ 9:56 pm Muddling Along

    Exactly what you said (wrote something similar yesterday) – I can’t stop writing, I need to write and so I’m carrying on (and perhaps us old guard need to go back to commenting like we did in the old days, to heck with all the new fangled you must do this nonsense and back to the writing and community?)

    Reply

    • April 22, 2014 @ 8:50 am vegemitevix

      Oh so true. It’s not just a time issue is it. It’s feeling discouraged. Funny thing – as you know I write professionally and commercially and when someone critiques my work I’m OK with it. I suck it up and make the changes, after all the client has to be happy. But when it’s my work, my writing I cringe when I suspect someone doesn’t think it’s good enough. I fret that somehow I’ll fail to make the grade and I’m not sure I can really survive that. I know I need to harden up. Just hard to harden up sometimes when your writing is so much a part of who you are.

      Reply

      • April 22, 2014 @ 8:51 am vegemitevix

        NB/ I need to come back to yours and catch up on some reading. Maybe I should reinstate the BlogRoll idea to remind people of those bloggers who really deserve to be read – like you. x

        Reply

  4. April 21, 2014 @ 10:22 pm Mel

    I’m still here 🙂 Sometimes commenting (or not) is more an indication of what’s happening in our own lives.

    Reply

    • April 22, 2014 @ 8:46 am vegemitevix

      Oh I completely get that. I really do. There’s this thing with blogging where you lose your confidence and you start measuring yourself up against bright young things (like Young Adventuress for example) and you feel maybe you’ve reached the Las Vegas stage of your blogging career. Thanks for your reassurance. Loves ya Vx

      Reply

  5. April 21, 2014 @ 11:13 pm Madeleine @ NZ Ecochick

    I’m glad you’re still with us doll. All things in life ebb and flow but dont give up hope. We love you Mxx

    Reply

    • April 22, 2014 @ 8:45 am vegemitevix

      Thanks hun. Very true. There are seasons in our life also. I’m learning that. I know you’d think at 46 I’d have learnt that years ago. What can I say? I’m a late learner.

      Reply

  6. April 21, 2014 @ 11:58 pm Kirsty Rice 4kids20suitcases

    Beautifully written, which is why it’s great you’re still here xx

    Reply

    • April 22, 2014 @ 8:44 am vegemitevix

      That’s such a lovely comment and wonderful praise coming from you – a writer I respect so much.

      Reply

  7. April 22, 2014 @ 2:25 am Cathy

    See I told you Vicki. Glad to see you are still going to be around 🙂 xx You will always have stories to tell and I bet you will always have a core audience out there still reading.

    Reply

    • April 22, 2014 @ 8:44 am vegemitevix

      Aww thanks Cathy, thank you for all your encouragement. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.

      Reply

  8. April 22, 2014 @ 3:24 am Emma Fahy Davis

    Okay I’m here for the chocolate, you can keep the wine. But seriously, a fellow Kiwi and a fellow writer, that’s reason enough for me to hang around a while…

    Reply

    • April 22, 2014 @ 8:44 am vegemitevix

      Hi Emma! Where have you been hiding girl? I need your blog url so I can follow you back. Vix x

      Reply

  9. April 22, 2014 @ 9:22 am donnasimone

    Love love love this post. This is the voice (YOUR voice) that I love; you simply cannot stop blogging. You’re like me, a storyteller. So glad we will not lose you. You’re awesome. And that graphic from Mrs Woog is pure GOLD.

    Reply

    • April 27, 2014 @ 7:23 pm vegemitevix

      Thanks hun. We are two birds of a feather eh. Just need to keep reminding myself that this is who I am – a storyteller, a blogger.

      Reply

  10. April 22, 2014 @ 10:32 pm Knackered Mother

    Did someone say wine?

    Reply

  11. April 23, 2014 @ 2:16 pm mrsdesperate

    I’ve felt exactly like you about blogging from time to time. The periods where you don’t get comments (or worse, get the troll-ie ones). Whether it’s worth taking the time to keep it going, when there are so many other things begging for my time. I don’t blog nearly enough as I want to, but I’m hanging in there. Partly because of people like you and Mrs Woog, whom I never would have even met if it hadn’t been for the world of blogging. And yes, the story-telling. Glad you’re still here. x

    Reply

    • April 27, 2014 @ 7:25 pm vegemitevix

      Thank you so much Mrs Desperate, knowing I’ve inspired someone else to keep going is the bees’ knees.

      Reply

  12. April 24, 2014 @ 1:47 am Trish @ Mum's Gone to

    I made some profound comments on this yesterday then lost my signal and disqus just kept on whirring!
    Everyone else has echoed what I had planned to say. You are a talented writer and that will continue whether you have comments or not. I’ve always felt that blog comments go up and down depending on my own efforts to comment elsewhere. The things is, all the social media hoo-ha that needs updating when a blog is posted, just to tell the world about it, gives us bloggers little time to say ‘Hello, I like what you’ve written’ elsewhere. Life was simpler before Google +. Instagram. Pinterest…..

    Reply

    • April 27, 2014 @ 7:27 pm vegemitevix

      Thank you for the encouragement Trish. Yeah, I do sometimes think things were way more simple before Google+ et al. But then I remember how stressed I was back then about trying to keep on top of it all.

      Reply

  13. May 1, 2014 @ 3:38 am Kahanka

    You are one of the first bloggers I have met years ago, and you are so right in this post. I go through times I feel like giving up, but then just get back to it as love blogging so much.

    Reply


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