Hard of hearing

Digital Parents Blog Carnival

My Mum has suffered from congenital hearing loss my whole life, and though it is sometimes very difficult for her she bears it with mischevious good humour.

Which is helpful as she often mishears with hilarious results!

coolangatta beach

Not all the boy-racers in Coolangatta are on the beach.


Some years ago when I was in my early twenties I stayed with Mum on and off as I backpacked my way around Australia and Asia. She was based in Coolangatta on Queensland’s Gold Coast in those days, and we would often share a bottle of wine on her balcony and chat as the sun sank in the west. I loved these moments with Mum, where I was all of a sudden old enough to have a drink with her and talk about adult things.

I was young and foolish and thought I knew everything. If only, I knew half as much now, as I thought I knew then!

One day we were driving through the streets of Cooli chatting away – me with my intense need to wisen my old Mum up, Mum nodding and humouring me – when a boy-racer pulled up alongside us at the lights. He was driving a souped up Holden Commodore, his car bouncing on ridiculously large mag wheels, his muffler roared like an emphysemic lion, and flames were signwritten across bonnet.  I knew what would happen next, as he turned to gawp at me. He put his foot down, floored the accelerator and burned us off the lights. I rolled my eyes at this display turned to Mum and said:

“My dick is this big!”

Derisively demonstrating a mere inch or so with my hands as I said it.

Thankfully she laughed. I think she might have protested with a ‘Vix that’s terrible!’ but she did laugh. And on we went driving through the carefree summer sunshine, me feeling proud that I’d shared something a tad risque with my mother, (and got away with it!) and all was well with the world.

It must have been a week or so later when once again we were out in the car, chatting and singing along to music. I’d given Mum the Phantom of the Opera CD and we were singing away heartily until we pulled up to the lights, Mum turned the music down on the CD and asked me to open the window.

“Whew it’s hot. Let a bit of breeze in will you Vix?”

I didn’t notice the car in the lane next to me. I knew it was there, but I didn’t really notice it, until later. One minute Mum was talking to me quietly and the next the lights changed to green.

The mullet in the car next to us turned to give me ‘the look’ (‘howzabout it you and me babe!’) and I could tell he was making plans to burn us off.  My mother pointed in his direction. And then she repeated something she’d obviously misheard.

My mother leaned over to me and VERY LOUDLY said to me….

…..I could see everything in slow motion – ….

…her mouth moving, the words sailing through the air, across the car, through my open window, across to his car,  through his open window and smacking the boy-racer in the face.

“How big’s your dick?”

I shrank in the seat, my face burning up with embarassment.

With fear in my eyes, I turned to Mum and implored her to “step on it”.

We burnt him off, I vowed to never, ever ‘educate’ Mum again, and as we pulled into the garage I swear I heard Mum chuckle.


Image: Flickr CC



'Hard of hearing' has 16 comments

  1. June 22, 2012 @ 2:11 pm Steve

    You do realize that you burned that guy off using underhand methods, don’t you?


    • June 22, 2012 @ 2:13 pm vegemitevix

      yeah still not sure what annoyed him more…. the aspersions about his manhood, or my elderly mother burning him off.


  2. June 22, 2012 @ 2:13 pm Monique Devroeg

    Thanks for the laugh – your mom has fulfilled her mission as a mother to embarass her child. My kids definitely think that is my mission in life ;~D have a glorious weekend.


    • June 22, 2012 @ 2:18 pm vegemitevix

      It’s more than 20 years later, and I’m still not sure… she did it on purpose, right? Have yourself a gorgeous weekend and send me a jpg of one of your fave pieces in your Etsy store and I’ll put it up in the Vegemitevix Loves section of the sidebar.


  3. June 22, 2012 @ 4:33 pm Nicki Cawood

    Your Mum is nothing short of fantastic 🙂


    • June 24, 2012 @ 4:56 pm vegemitevix

      Absolutely agree, this is only one story of many where she has demonstrated how fab she really is.


  4. June 22, 2012 @ 11:32 pm bronnie marquardt

    Ha ha ha. I love your Mum!!!!


    • June 24, 2012 @ 4:57 pm vegemitevix

      yeah she’s pretty cool. The thing is she’s so nice and polite you never expect it. She’s like the Spanish Inquisition! (Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition)


  5. June 23, 2012 @ 6:50 pm Kym Hamer

    That’s a brilliant story…thanks for sharing it.


    • June 24, 2012 @ 4:58 pm vegemitevix

      Thanks Kym! I have a few stories like this, she is a pretty amazing woman. I’m certain I bagged her when I was younger and it’s only been as I’ve got older (and have older children myself) that I have started to really appreciate her.


  6. June 24, 2012 @ 12:58 pm ChaoticallyMe

    Ha ha 🙂 What an awesome Mum you have!


    • June 24, 2012 @ 4:59 pm vegemitevix

      She is pretty awesome. Apparently at the same stage of my life I even tried to ‘educate’ her about sex..something she laughed about with her then male friend! Wouldn’t we all like to have the confidence of a 20 year old again. x


  7. July 1, 2012 @ 7:57 am Simone at Greatfun4kids

    Hahahaha!!! That’s pricelss.
    You tell a great story Vix!

    PS thanks for linking up to Best in blog last week! So great to have ya


  8. July 23, 2012 @ 9:34 pm emmakaufmann

    Your mum rocks!! I am getting pretty deaf these days, or at least I can’t hear much if the kids talk to me in back of the car if there’s traffic noise. But I’m waaay too proud to get a hearing aid


  9. July 26, 2012 @ 1:20 am Kaz & Ang

    Classic story 🙂


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