My Mum, Mrs Vegemitevix Senior, lives in a residential community in Australia, and has served (for her sins) as a member of that community’s body corporate.
Whenever anyone has a complaint, my Mum – all five foot one and a half inch of her – has to go and sort it out.
Whether it be deadly brown snakes in someone’s backyard…
….Mum’ll fix it.
Petrol heads’ cars parking on the grass…
….Mum’ll fix it.
Leaving prawns out in your rubbish in the 38 deg C heat to fester and stink…..
…my seventy something grey haired Mum will fix it.
Mum is the quintessential Australian woman, in that she is resourceful and canny and doesn’t surprise easily. She has pretty much dealt with all sorts of problems in her life from wayward daughters that disappear backpacking solo around Asia without calling to let her know she is alive (er yes, that would be me), to battening down the hatches to survive tropical storms, hurricanes and floods, Mum can and will do it. Usually with a smile.
The other morning, one of Mum’s neighbours knocked on her door. He was accompanied by his girlfriend who stood there muching souciantly on her apple as he related his plight to my thoughtful Mum.
“Are you the Body Corp?”
“I’m a member yes,” Not the whole Body Corp, Mum thought quietly to herself.
“Well, I have a complaint.” He rubbed his red nose with disgust.
“I see. What’s the problem?”
Mum has learnt to never presuppose anything. It could be drains, or litter, or small children riding bikes across his front yard.
“It’s number 22.” And his eyes narrowed.
“It’s a noise complaint. I’ve been to the council, and they said I should come and talk with you.”
“What’s the matter?” Mum prodded.
The young PE teacher in number 22 – pretty, fit, earnest -seemed like the quiet type.
“It’s the SEX. It goes on and on and on all night. They were at it making a hell of a racket until 5am this morning. I was completely buggered this morning at work, I couldn’t even think.”
Mum looked up at his worn face and noted the dark circles under his ears, and that glimmer of desperation in his eye, (from exhaustion or from envy?) swallowed down an hysterical giggle and stammered her affirmation that she would most certainly do something about the wild sex that was keeping the neighbour – in the next detached house – awake!
And with that she closed the door and dissolved into laughter, wondering what on earth the council, or indeed she was going to do about it.
How would you deal with the neighbours’ noisy sex?
Image: Flickr CC