What on earth have I done?
Once upon a blog post, I wrote about how to live in Britain, if you are suddenly transplanted here.
As I have been. From sunshine to sleet, from vegemite to British marmite, from beautiful beaches to…Blighty! It was all based on the BBC show Tribal Wives where they take women from their comfortable suburban homes in Slough or Dudley or wherever and dump send them to weird and wonderful places and ask them to fit in cooking rats’ innards and sewing clothes out of zebra hides. In the end the women all bond over their ‘shared humanity’ and everyone goes home and downs a pint of Coke.
So I wrote this down and it just went took off! It ran away like a hotter -than- hell- tikka. So far we have tribal wives’ versions from all over the world and some sub-sets (school gate mums, mummy bloggers, househusbands, sweater mums).
They’re all bloody funny!
So I thought I’d round them all up here, for your edification. Read and weep. Or enjoy, depending on the time of the month!
The Tribal Wives of Rural Finland
Vegemitevix wrote a great post yesterday about the program Tribal Wives, where a woman from suburban UK is taken and dropped into an indigenous tribal society. Vix, an expat from New Zealand now living in a rural Hampshire town, wrote her own tongue in cheek rules for women about moving to her little green part of the world.
It got me thinking, if a woman was transported from her home in suburbia, what rules would she need to know about to fit in here in rural Finland?
1. Leave your make-up at home. A touch of powder and a swipe of mascara is considered pretty made up here. If you put on foundation, false eye lashes and lipstick people would flock around you in the street staring and pointing at the funny painted lady…. Read More
Tribal Wives of Catalonia
My old bloggy mucker Vegemite Vix recently wrote a post on what she considers are the rules of the Tribal Wives of Britain, clearly Vix hasn’t been north of the Watford gap ‘cos us northern girlies aren’t quite so shy when it comes to discussing certain topics. Following on from this, Heather over at Notes From Lapland decided to put her spin on things and wrote about Tribal Wives in Finland, then the little bugger only went and made it a meme and tagged me. So here we are then, my very tongue in cheek take on the Rural Catalan Tribal Wives.
1. To blend in with the local Tribal Wives it is imperative that you ignore pavements. No Rural Catalan Tribal Wife worth her salt walks on pavements. All walking must be conducted down the middle of the road, it matters not if you are pushing a pram or trailing small children, old and young alike, the middle of the road is the only place to walk. Read More
Tribal Wives of The Blogosphere
Sometimes I enjoy being a shit disturber; I really, really do.
A couple weeks back, Vix wrote a post about this show called Tribal Wives (never heard of it myself). Gist of it is an urban woman is taken to live in another more hand-to-mouth culture. She learns lessons and grows and learns to appreciate what she ….snooze.
So, Vix turned it around and made a tongue-in-cheek Tribal Wives rules of survival for Britain.
Heather read it and decided to make it a meme. She wrote the Tribal Wives in Rural Finland post and tagged myself, Very Bored in Catalunya, Gooner Jamie, and Cate. Missy M and London City Mum got in on the action too.
They all did awesome funny posts. I definitely recommend you read them. Because after what I post you’re probably not going to want to read me any more. You see, I’m perfectly aware that most mommy blog readers are mommy bloggers themselves. Not that I really like being called a mommy blogger, but with “Readily A Parent” as my title, hey, might as well go for it.
Sometimes my friends who don’t write and/or read blogs ask what exactly a Mommy Blogger is. So this post is for them. If you yourself are a Mommy Blogger and easily offended, well, just pretend you didn’t see this. And for God’s sake don’t unsubscribe from my blog. I actually care about my stats. I’ll send you a big jar of Nutella as an apology gift.
In order to survive as a Mommy Blogger you must:
1. Have Kids
But not just any kids. You must have the most magically wonderful, photogenic, perfect angels who sit and do crafts and can be homeschooled with ease. Your children will all have the names starting with the same letter or look so insanely alike that one wonders if you’ve learned how to clone in your kitchen.
OR You should have two or three kids that are general nuisances, annoying and brat like and make your life a living hell so you can complain about it all the time on your blog, like I did here.
BONUS POINTS: If your child has special needs or is ill and/or you concieved after infertility. Super bonus points if you have all of the above. Read More..
Tribal Wives Holiday Version
I love a challenge. Especially one that comes at just the right time and with the appropriate requirements.
Thank you Very Bored in Catalunya for thinking of me. And demanding photos. Of course, not having been on the usual commuter trail of late, but rather swanning around the Costa de la Luz in Southern Spain with the cherubs and OH, Lady P and her tribe (including her husband, the incredibly laid back- and sometimes non-communicative – MC), I had a plethora of – ahem – interesting subjects to photograph.
It would seem that there is also a running theme with this Tribal Wives’ stuff, in what has now become a meme of sorts. Of course, it is always someone’s fault, so the blame lies squarely with Notes in Lapland and Vegemitevix. Bad girls.
I have therefore transformed this meme further and not only added photos – as requested, don’t ever say I don’t listen to your demands, okay – but also morphed it into a ‘Home and Away’ version. Home for the Spanish, and away with the tourists, in more ways than one. Faux pas at every snap of my trusted mobile. Bwah ha ha ha ha.
Right. Ready for the show? Here we go.
Tribal Wife – holiday version 1: when plastic surgery is all just that, a burden on your plastic…. Read More
Tribal Wives of Adelaide
Vegemitevix started it. She wrote a post about a TV show called Tribal Wives, where a woman from suburban UK is introduced into an indigenous tribal society, and she cleverly added her own cheeky rules for women to be aware of when moving to her stomping ground in the UK.
Then Heather did it. She started thinking about what a woman would need to know in order to seamlessly meld into life in rural Finland. Like unashamedly stripping naked in front of complete strangers.
Others have done it too. London City Mum did Tribal Wives – The Holiday Version, Very Bored in Catalunya presented the Rural Catalan edition, goonerjamie gave us the English Househusband adaptation (wearing an iPope tshirt and getting pissed whilst juggling flaming socks seems to be a high priority in East London)…. and so on. There may be more. It’s gone viral. The Centre for Communicable Blogging Diseases is on full alert.
I have the virus. Heather the bitch gave it to me. I need to get it out of my system now. My rules are nowhere near as interesting as the others because Adelaide can be a trifle boring, but here’s a few things you need to know if you are going to blend in with the Tribal Wives of Adelaide, South Australia.
1. I suppose I should start with the basics, like what to wear.
In Winter, boots. Firstly, Ugg boots. You may need three pairs….Read More
Tribal Mums of the Reluctant School Gate
I have been given a very very sensitive and difficult mission. I have been asked to carry the torch of a bunch of hilarious bloggers who are all writing on the theme Tribal Wives. The thing is, they are either ex-pats scrutinising their adoptive countries and the wives therein through the protective barrier of language difference, or have sneakily gone on holiday and blogged about the tribes abroad, covertly photographed them and then buggered off home before any of them can hunt her down, or hoping that their adoptive countries will give them the benefit of the doubt because they are foreign.They are: Notes from Lapland: Tribal Wives in Rural FinlandVery Bored in Catalunya: Tribal Wives in Rural CataloniaLondon City Mum: Tribal Wives Holiday VersionVegemite Vix: Tribal Wives in Britain
What to do- I am stuck here in North East Scotland having to post about the tribal customs of the wives of my own kind. Women who can locate my blog, come to my door and possibly slap my face for my cheek. There is a phrase; never crap in your own canoe. I have no choice I have to use myself and my own kind as a subject- we are the Tribe of Reluctant School Gate Mums.
The Reluctant Schoolgate Mother (Latin name:Adminus Minimus Pariahalis)Appearance: The Reluctant schoolgate mum will often be seen in dark glasses, a hood and a scarf pulled up to her nose. This is not because she doesn’t want to be approached (although that would be nice). It’s because she fell asleep on the couch after a night shift, forgot that she had to be at school to pick up her kid and had to hastily hide her face that has crease marks, eye bogies, a dislodged contact lens and streaks of smudged mascara on her cheeks whilst sprinting along the street to catch her kids as they spill out of the school gates. Read More
Stay tuned for Tribal Wives Go Viral Part Two..