You really are a fantastic bloke and I love you more than chocolate. In fact you and chocolate have a great deal in common – my undying love, my appetite, your strength..
You really are a great bloke! I just have a little niggle. It’s a wee one. Could we possibly have our bathroom recommissioned for the weekend?
I know you were extremely concerned that the wet plasterboard behind the tiles would mean that the wall would collapse and the house would fall down, so you removed said tiles and set the heater in the bathroom to full blast. That was last Saturday.
I agree it was wrong of me to test the moisture content of the wall by poking it with my strong finger. (I didn’t know it was that strong!) It was a shame the substrate wall thingy – is that what you call the cardboard looking stuff behind the removed tiles? – yeah, well it’s a shame it cracked.
Funny hey! I don’t know my own strength. Though I think you’ll agree it’s not so funny that the bathroom has taken considerably longer to dry out, with the crack in the substrate and all.
I know the English are world famous for their aptitude in sponge-bathing, as my Mum, the Australian, filled me in. She told me that ‘The English don’t shower’ which for an Australian is like saying you are pretty filthy as a people. I don’t agree with her neccessarily, I’m just saying. In Australia they shower at least once a day, if not twice – mainly to get all the poisonous spiders off their skin.
I know you were doing you best to be the best Tim the Tool Man Taylor, home handyman, but please please please could I have a shower tonight?
Your darling dirty wife! xxx