I feel as if I’ve been run over by a concrete mixer, full of Christmas concrete. We had our extended family Christmas on the weekend and as usual the day after I feel run over, stomped on, knackered beyond belief. I say again, Christmas is brought to you by Mum. ARRRRRRGH!
So now I’m faced with the horror of a blank blog page and not enough strength to lift a typing finger. I’m loving blogging, but sometimes find the whole ‘putting yourself out there’ akin to throwing off your clothes and rolling in the snow…….in Trafalgar Square!
For those of you who have yet to celebrate Christmas, here are a few tips. These are things I think of every year but forget before the 1st December the following year.
1/ You always run out of gift tags. Always. Then you end up writing coded messages about who it’s from and for on the wrapping paper. The notes rub off and you usually end up giving the ‘Mother’s Memory book’ to your father-in-law and the book of fun sex cheques from the bank of bonk to your red-faced teenage niece!
2/Cooking the Turkey will take the whole day No matter how big the turkey, whether a crown or a breast or a two headed wild turkey it will monopolise the oven. It will preoccupy you from first light until about an hour before it finally comes out of the oven, by which time you will have had a few cook’s mood enhancers, and won’t care if it comes out of the oven black, white or still red-raw!
3/ Brussels Sprouts Most people won’t own up to liking the smell of their own socks, but they will enjoy a plateful of Brussels sprouts! It’s a sneaky ‘like’ – like thinking your own farts don’t smell too bad!
4/Not everyone is used to a Nigella Christmas. The Tesco’s luxury plum pudding will be ok, when covered in significant quantities of brandy – flamed or unflamed. It will not matter that you haven’t macerated the fruit in brandy for six months, Tesco’s finest will taste just as good as your Aunt Mildred’s.
5/ The perils of the kids’ table The kids might moan about being on the ‘kids’ table’ but will secretly really enjoy being able to play up without the adults telling them to ‘hold your folk properly’ or ‘eat your beans!’
6/ Not enough sugar You will never put out enough mince pies, apricot balls, Christmas biscuits or rum balls. They will vapourise within minutes of every plate refill. Your best bet is to get the kids to help out and make replacement stores. My kids and step-nieces had great fun decorating the Christmas biscuits with coloured icing and making polar bears out of fondant for the top of the Christmas cake. The Christmas cake this year was actually the recycled wedding cake from May.
7/ Ms Organisation You’ll try to be organised but will inevitably miss the post deadline for sending pressies Down Under (or across the pond!) and will end up agonising over the book coupon or the sweets voucher on www.ineedchristmaspressiesatthelastminute.com
8/ The Cheapest present of them all Littlies will enjoy playing with the wrapping more than the presents they receive, in most cases.
9/ The premature balding Christmas tree If there’s a Christmas tree that’s suffering from premature thinning on top, we’ll buy it unawares and carry it home only to discover it needs a toupe or a garland of lights.
10/ Designer decorations No matter how designer you want the tree to look, the kids will never stick to the theme. You will eventually be worn down by cries of ‘But I need to put my special decoration on’, and will end up with tree decorated with red and silver baubles (as per the theme) PLUS three ‘special decorations’ the kids have had since birth, and two sets of lights that run disparate lighting patterns, and a number of other gorgeous decorations made out of glitter glue and bent macaroni (thank God milk bottles don’t have silver lids anymore), in the Christmas school craft class.
And a promise of snow
It probably won’t snow but lookee here I’ve found this brilliant site that looks into the crystal ball (or snow globe) and tells you whether you can expect a white Christmas. This is really fun for kids – just enter your postcode and shake Santa’s snow globe and bingo your chance of a white Christmas. If you live in the Uk that is, it probably won’t work in Australia, New Zealand or in the US!
I’ve become quite obsessed with trying to forecast when it will snow. I’m not sure why, maybe because for me snow has always meant new beginnings. It’s a long-held belief (from Church Youth Group days!) that snow wipes away the past and delivers a new slate. Combine that belief with the end of a long difficult year and I’m checking the weather forecast three times a day.
I’ve already started getting excited about some cool events coming up on the calendar for 2010 – the blogging conference that A Modern Mother and others at British Mummy Bloggers Network is organising sounds brilliant as does the event for Mumpreneurs. Then of course there is the excitement of getting my new website and consulting business off the ground (Kia Kaha Communications) – soon, soon. Hopefully very soon!!!
But for now I’m snuggled up in bed nursing the flu and quietly talking myself through the jolt that saying goodbye to the kids at Heathrow on Sat will be (Fly little babies), and ever so hopefully dreaming of a white Christmas for the Englishman and I.