I am writing in response to your automated email re the job opening at Big Company Inc. I address this letter to you personally, although I assume that it was your CV reading bot that’s attending to the pesky details of the recruiting business – like reading CVs and culling unlikely candidates like me. Funny thing is, I remember the good old days when recruiting was the ultimate people-business. I even had a recruiter send me on a blind date once such was the personal care and attention!
I am disappointed that you have decided to not take my application further. Though you get a big tick by telling me so promptly. Thanks for that, at least I wasn’t waiting for a response from you by phone or email (or txt, or carrier pigeon, or by small boy on trike peddling from London!) I’m still waiting to hear from that other guy I saw last week who told me that he’d call me the very next day, and the suspense is killing me. Do you think he’ll ring? Or is he just not that into me, or my CV?
So thanks for the quick thumbs down.
Shame you aren’t taking it further though, I did feel that over 20 years experience in marketing, PR, IT and freelance writing may well have qualified me for the Freelance Writing for IT company role. Was it the New Zealand thing? I should explain a little more about that. Yes I am from New Zealand and yes I did work for several major global brands in that country. Yes we do have companies in New Zealand, we stopped hunting and gathering at least 100 years ago! The business world is kicking, well at least it is when we’ve all finished with the sheep shagging. We even have that kewl new biz tool, t’internet! It’s done wonders to counter-act the tyranny of distance. We’re so up with the play in NZ, that some of us even twitter, and not just when we’re nervous.
I was somewhat surprised at your surprise that I was not enthusiastic about working for 33p per hour. It’s a silly little pride thing. They taught me at Brand Management School that price is a value judgement. It’s bigoted I know, but even the ex pays me more than that for mothering, so I feel that I could ask for at least £3.50.
To be fair Ms Recruiter, I’m not sure you really took a good look at my CV. Would I have had more of a chance if I had been from an underprivileged ethnic minority with seven children from four different partners? (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Am I just too white middle class toast to really differentiate, in an employable kind of way?
`Oh dear sorry, you don’t fit. Square peg in round hole.’
Even real estate agents have more of a human touch, and they’re selling real estate, whereas you’re selling people.
Anyway, I should let you get on, you’ve people to do and things to see. Thanks for your suggestion that I apply as an underpaid, care giver on call 24/7/365. Though I have aptitude for considerable empathy, and I’m an excellent taxi driver; I can make a dirty toilet sparkle and a chef spit with envy at my fish pie, I already hold a demanding position doing exactly that. My current job’s pay rate is way better than 33p, I get undying love and eternal gratitude and the hope that my cradle rocking will eventually change the world. But thanks for the personal service and for caring,
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